SATIRE: The Hindu Polygamy Bill of 2026

[DISCLAIMER: PURE POLITICAL SATIRE] The following article is a work of political parody and satire. It does not endorse, demand, or advocate for polygamy, the dilution of women’s rights, or any changes to the Hindu Marriage Act. Its sole objective is to use deliberate absurdity to expose the glaring hypocrisy of India’s dual personal law system and the selective outrage of modern “secular” commentators. If the premise of this mock bill offends you, yet you remain silent on the actual, legally protected polygamy under personal laws, this satire is directed at you.

Preamble:

Noting that the world is approaching the 25th anniversary of the terror attacks of 9/11 and therefore this being the right time to affirm that women’s rights are human rights.  

Recognizing that Nature or Evolution or the Supreme Being or some Mysterious Force has created all men equal with respect to their sex drive thus resulting in the fact that all men are equally horny;

Noting that the Indian Constitution guarantees equality for all its citizens including Hindu men under Articles 14;

Noting that the Indian secular state professes to makes no difference between persons of different religions;

Noting that Indian Muslims have the right to polygamy or to lawfully marry four women simultaneously; 

Noting that Hindu men’s right to polygamy was abolished under the Hindu Marriage Act of 1955;

Putting on record that the highest standards for upholding women’s rights, promoting feminism and UN norms of Gender Mainstreaming and smashing patriarchy can be found in Islam’s texts, especially its provisions regarding polygamy, its observations on the deficiency of women’s intellect; their duty to uncomplainingly suffer beatings by their husbands; the requirement to produce four eyewitness in case they allege rape and their share of inheritance being half that of men, to name a few:  

Noting that Hindu men in India have been looking enviously at Muslim men’s right to polygamy since 1955; 

Regrets to note that the right to the enjoyment of several women through polygamy has been accorded only to Indian Muslim men thus subjecting Indian Hindu men to grave injustice and contrary to the observable laws on nature; 

Considering the mass movement launched by Hindu men to have the right to marry four wives can no longer be ignored or suppressed by the brute force of the Indian state; and

Determined to rectify these historical and sexual wrongs heaped upon Hindu men. 

It is hereby enacted as under:

Article 1: 

1. All Hindu men who are citizens of India have a right to marry multiple women at one time.
2. The maximum number of women to whom a Hindu man can married at one time shall be four.
3. The right of Hindu women to  protest, appeal, litigate, or otherwise challenge the right of Hindu men to multiple wives is extinguished and no court shall take cognizance of such a complaint. 

Article 2: 

1. The right of Hindu men to marry four women shall continue until the right to polygamy available to Indian Muslim men is abolished.