Dowry or Dahej system in India is a highly stigmatised issue. Everyone criticizes its practice, and the Indian government has passed numerous laws banning it, yet people widely practice it all across the country. Let’s explore why this practice came into existence and why it has been so difficult to eliminate this practice from India.Â
Let’s clarify before we start that the Dowry system has been practiced all across the world and is not just limited to India. Generally, popular media portrays Dowry as greed on the part of parents of the groom. But that thinking is very shortsighted and is the cause for why we have failed in eliminating Dahej from India. The practice has a far more profound base than this. Let us first understand why this practice came into existence.
How Dahej Came Into Existence
The origin of Dahej practice lies in the limited property rights of daughters on her parent’s property. In 11th century Al Beruni a Muslim scholar wrote a treatise on India in which he mentions that daughters at that time could inherit her father’s property. He also mentions that no gifts or dowry were provided during marriages and that the groom used to give gifts to his wife as he thought fit. Greek historians before Al Beruni also mention that there was no dowry system in India and also write that daughters were allowed to inherit their parents’ property.
Something happened between the 11th century and 16th century, and it limited the property rights of daughters, resulting in the emergence of the dowry system. Since parents could not transfer their wealth through inheritance to their daughters, they used dowry as a method to transfer wealth to their daughters. This is why the custom of Chuchak also came into existence. Since daughters did not get the property, the brothers used to transfer some of that wealth by helping their sisters financially during special occasions. So as you can see all these customs have a noble reason behind them.
The problem is not with the custom itself, the problem is with the ignorance of people who had forgotten the true purpose of these customs.
Dahej is not about greed
The popular media often portrays dahej as the greed of the groom and his parents, but this is not the complete picture. Dahej is not that much about greed as it is about reputation and prestige. This is the very reason why this custom still persists.
Most eligible bachelors usually get multiple offers from parents of girls with huge amounts of Dahej. These eligible bachelors are very successful and really do not need any Dahej, and the only motivation for getting Dahej for them is to show off their success and eligibility. Moreover for the bride’s parents it is also a matter of prestige to present huge gifts in dowry just to show off their wealth. People use statements such as “Ham apni khushi se de rahe hai” or “Ham toh apni ladki ko de rahe hai” to coerce grooms into accepting Dahej. Many daughters themselves make demands to their parents for big dowry in their marriage. The thinking here on the girl’s part is to maintain her reputation in the groom’s family.
Now of course there are some exceptions. Out of so many people surely there will be a few who indeed are greedy and these are the one who cause dowry related violence and death. However, considering the prevalence of this custom in India, these cases are in a minority. The rate of Dowry death in India is about 1.4 per 100,000 women. So clearly such people are a minority, most people are really not greedy about Dahej.
How to destroy Dahej Practice
Now that we understand the real reason for Dahej, we can figure out a way to destroy it from India. The reason most people give and take Dahej is for the purpose of prestige. If we remove the prestige component of Dahej, it will be destroyed. Through the media we have shown that taking Dahej due to greed is bad, but this approach has not been successful in putting an end to Dahej. This is because the motive lies elsewhere. We need to discourage Dahej in any situation.
We can encourage grooms to refuse marriage if any Dahej is offered in a marriage to accomplish this. This will make it compulsory for the bride’s parents to not offer it. Surely with this the parents of both bride and groom will face social stigma, however in time people will forget it. If more and more grooms decide to refuse marriage on the offering of Dahej, and especially when these grooms hold a prestige in society, then this will be an example for others. Soon, society will consider the custom of not taking Dahej prestigious, and Dahej will be destroyed from our society.